Saturday, 24 October 2009

Makes my blood boil

Today was...fustrating. Mainly because, in town, I saw my supposidly 'best friend' and she pretended not to notice me. Typical. What is her problem? I've done nothing! Nothing! Ohh, and she should have basically written, I'm skinny, on her forhead with what she was wearing. She always acts unaware of the fact she's skinny, but I can always tell she's really thinking, Em...duh, I know I am.

I really need to get a scale, otherwise I'll have no encouagement. Although my parents will get suspicous if I buy one, I never have before. Maybes I could raise some money, hide it under my bed or something. Maybe...
Its still risky though, I need to keep this thing a secret. Its as if everytime someone says something to me, I'm thinking, don't answer anything too suspicous, did the thing they say relate to eating, or lack of? I'm constantly cautious so no-one finds out, though I'm no superwomen.
Its a relief to be able to say anything on this blog, all of my thoughts and feelings, swirled up and written down. Such a relief.

On Thursday I'm going to town again with a friend from my old school, lets call her Laura. So me and Laura are going to town and I'm determined to get some size 6 jeans. So I have something to work towards. I love shopping with Laura, she never raises an eyebrow at the things I buy, or never frowns when all I order is a water when she gets a full meal. Its so perfect. I feel a little less panicky about what I'm doing.

Today was varied, I was pleased till lunchtime. All morning all I had was water, water, water. 0 calories, amazing. I did some excercising too, only a bit. I need to increase the amount I'm doing. Go on some long runs. At lunch I had a minute salad(like two bites), some cheese(some bites), slice of bread and butter:( and half a big cookie(they're my weakness) that's what? 500 calories. I usually like to add more calories to certain things, just to be on the safe side. I really hate calorie counting. Fasting is so much easier, no calories to count at all. I managed to skip dinner:) Dunno how I managed that one, but I'm so pleased. I just hope I don't ruin it now for the rest of the day.

xoxo Wish me luck

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