Sunday, 29 November 2009


Started the ABC diet on Friday! Decided to in quite a hast actually, just made it, and now I'm on a 50 day diet. Which sounds really difficult although I know with the support of everyone else doing it, I'll hopefully be able to pull through :)

day1: 500 calories - did about right
day2: 500 calories - horrible. disgusting day...
3:300 calories - fingers crossed
4:400 calories-I thought that was a 300 day, so I'm ok
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

Leftover spag bol= 250 ish. I only had a cup full.

Later I plan to have a coffee. That's it. I'm serious.
250 is under the diet day 3 allowance, so I'm glad :)

These days I'm seriously considering becoming a vegetarian, I think it will help with my eating habits a lot. Also it will be another excuse not to eat.

Ordered my dress for the Christmas party today, I'll show a picture of it in my next post. There's no way I'll be able to hide any of me in this, which means I'll just have to work twice as hard. I've been dancing for a while in my kitchen, haha, you should all be thankful you didn't see it.

Stay strong my lovely ladies. We can do this x

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Sorry I simply had to clarify, there's no need to be worried, I may come off a little strangly though I'm really not that bad of a person. Just a girl trying to better herself.

Nibbles, 60 calories.
Cup of pasta, 150 calories.

That cup of pasta doesn't please me:( How am I going to stop eating dinner!? Though I thought if I ate it, I'd be less likely to binge later. Hopefully...

Also I'll have 60 nibble calories later as well as a coffee to avoid suspicion from my mum, things would be so much easier without her. 270 calories all in all. No time for exercise tonight, I'll wake up early tomorrow so I can fit in time. That's the plan at least :)

Stay strong darlings. x

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

I'm an elephant

Last night I had a major binge, it was unbelievable the amount of food I was throwing down my throat. Now I feel like sht though I've put it behind me, the memory of it makes me shiver in repulsiveness. The worst part is I thought I was doing so well, and now I've ruined it.
Today was better...and worst.
2 coffees
Slice of wholegrain toast with minnimum butter =150 calories
(my mum would have noticed if I didn't eat it, though at least it was lots of fibre)

Earlier today I went on a 2 mile jog. Which didn't go down as well as I'd of liked, it was supposed to be a run though I couldn't manage it. I also tidied the house and I'm planning to do 30 minutes exercising later if I have time.

Tonight I'm cooking dinner, creamy pasta with vegtables which I'm preparing as low cal as possible. I'll eat about a cup and a half hopefully with 2 glasses of water and a coffee later. I need to be careful how much coffee I'm drinking, I'm beggining to become addicted :( To me it tastes so yummy.

I always feel even more dissapointed with myself after I finish my posts, they always remind me of my failures.

xoxo Stay strong. I really wish I could too.

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Something worth fighting for

1/2 slice of toast!? 70 calories
sip of tea...15 calories

I've finally decided my goal weight is 97lbs, that's 15% under the recommended weight for someone who is 5"3. I thought I'd start there and work my way down until I'm happy. In about 3 1/2 weeks I've got a huge christmas party to go to, everyone in my year at school will be there. All the girls will be in pretty little dresses, and I want to look beautiful and thin. You may think I'm being vain, but it is what I want. For once I want to look slim with my bones to sticking out. When I'm dancing I don't want my thighs to rub together. And I absolutely don't want a huge ass.
Finally I'm against the clock, which I'm hoping will work well for me. I just keep saying, nothing tastes as good as thin feels. It's unbelievable how true that saying is.
I'm stripping my diet down to the essentials, only eating when I'm told to. Not eating one bite at school and making all the excuses I can possibly think of at home. If my mum tells me to eat and she doesn't, well that won't work either.
I'm going to tell my mum to stop buying big cookies, I'll say I've gone off them or something.
At the minute I'm suppose to be doing school work. I refuse.
Instead I'm working on some dances. I love dancing in my room, burning calories and making a fool of myself. I dance because no-one is watching.
Exercise is a struggle these days, the weather is too bad to simply run. The muddy lanes make it impossible to keep balanced. Yet I'm bored with my workout routines, any advice would be hugely appreciated. You wouldn't believe.

Stay strong ladies.
xoxo Wish me luck.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Still struggling

I struggle not to eat. I eat. I hate myself. That's the cycle of my life at the moment. I didn't eat all day at school though, which I thought was quite good, everyone was offering snacks and sweets etc, and I didn't accept any! I was quite ill though, which made me feel crap. I've filled my weekend up with plans of finishing homework assessments, going into town, collecting the saturday night dinner with my mum, if I don't she'll get EVERTHING high cal. I also want to get a lot more exercising done. Any tips? I feel as if I haven't got a clue what I'm doing.

So far I've eaten...
1/2 a packet of crisps=65 cals
1 biscuit= 70 cals, it was either that or more crisps.
A sandwich, full of carbs and mayo, =150 cals,
1/2 glass of dilluted orange juice=70?
That's 355 calories, for one meal!?
Later I'll probably eat a big cookie, again. (I wasn't kidding when I said they were my weakness)
and I'll have a cuppa, I am a jordie after all, together they're 200 calories. I know all of this is loads of calories and I should have at least had some healthy foods. I will, as soon as possible. I'm working my way towards fasting for days on end. As you can tell, I'm not doing well. During the weekend I'll sort things out, like my goal weight, my blog and thinspiration stuff etc., also my exercising. I've got so much to do....

I've been dating my bf for a few days now, let's call him James, things are going quite well, still early days though. He fills me up with happy thoughts which makes it easier not to eat. That's such a good thing at the moment. James is tall, which is perfect, I've never had a tall bf before. He's athletic, sporty and extremely cute. He's quite quiet though, yet content in his own way. He jokes and makes me laugh. He doesn't care what anyone else thinks. He's also very slim, if I look at it in a positive way, is thinspiration. Another reason to fight to be thin. So I'll be able to stand my him and not feel enormous. I'll see how things go.

Yesturday in cooking class(ever notice how this is the subject I talk most about) we were making cheesecakes. Not neccessarily one of my favourites, I do adore this marsbar cheesecake at a village pub, though we only go there about twice a year and it's so expensive! Anyways, in cooking class I was making a lime cheesecake. It had a ginger biscuit base, I thought it may boast my metabolism a little bit. The filling was lots of fattening ingredients and lime, too much lime in fact that it tasted disgusting. I wonder why I did that?? My mum seemed to like it though. It was also dusted with chocolate flake :/

Thanks to my new followers, your giving me the strength to get through the day. Seriously, I find it amazing that I'm not alone in this. My followers know one side of myself that nobody else does. I just love that, they see past the layers of fat and personality to the person I'm trying to find, the person I'm trying to show to the world. She's coming. Very slowly she's coming.

I'm hoping today ends up at only 700 calories, hopefully. That may seem bad to some people, although considering today, I find it okay. Ohh, I forgot, today is Friday The Thirteenth. Bad luck? Hell yeah, I ate, isn't that bad enough?

xoxo Wish me luck. Stay strong, even if I don't.

Monday, 9 November 2009

1 biscuit...2 biscuits...3...

I managed to skip breakfast and most of my lunch today, that's one of the things I love about mondays, the weekend is over, by monday I'm back in control. I say that now, who knows what I'll binge on later.

Lunch was just an apple and a bite of a cereal bar. At the minute I always seem to eat without actually giving myself permission to do so. My friend offered me one of her mini maryland cookies today. I ate it straight away. Then I thought, what the hell are you doing?

For dinner it was mince and dumplings, luckily I'm not a huge fan of this particular meal. I ate the carrots and one piece of brockerly. 1 boiled potato (WTF?? I don't even like that type of potato. I think it was boiled at least. It wasn't roast potato or mash. It deffinately wasn't new potato) ohh, and a forkful of cabbage. Not too bad. I did however, eat most of the mince and a 1/3 of the dumpling. I don't really like them yet my mum was eying my plate suspicously. Normally I wouldn't care. Since my dad moved away my plate has always been piled with the most food, this is because my mum is on a diet. She has been for like three years now, so I always eat more then her.

I'm also the oldest of my siblings, the result of all these facts means my plate usually starts with having the most amount of food on.(Sighs) Unlike previously though, I now don't eat half the food on the plate. Yey!

God my mum's such a hypercrite! This morning while I was sorting out my (fake) lunch box, filled with biscuits, an apple, crisps, a sandwich and a yogourt. And she starts saying hows she noticed I haven't been eating breakfast lately. I cooly say I just don't have time in the mornings. Conversation ends. I felt like saying, well you don't!

I haven't exercised at all today, I have walked around a lot though. I've just been really busy today. Loads of homework that I should have done weeks ago has finally caught up with me.

Anyways total calories for today is...

snacks at school=150 calories

dinner=370? calories

So far thats 520. Not too bad, I'll ruin it tonight though. I'll give myself a spare 200 calories because we all know I'll use them. I shouldn't say things like that but biscuits are my weakness. I try my hardest not to eat them for everyone craving to be thin.

Anyways, stay strong. Think as thin as you desire.
xoxo wish me luck with the biscuits.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

"Hands up who hasn't eaten breakfast today."

I ate today :( I depend on skipping breakfast and lunch in the day, have 1/2 my dinner if I absolutely have to, and a small snack 1-2 times during week days. And I have to admit, going to school really helps with this plan. I can eat anything if there's nothing to eat, can I?
Although something happened yesturday, I got my period. My first one since I started this and it didn't go well. Usually when I'm on my period I crave chocolate, sweets, biscuits, you get the point. Yet yesturday I just craved food. Anything I could get my hands on.
Today was very much the same, I had a handful of grapes 50, 1/2 an apple 50-ish and 1/2 a cereal bar 35! That as well as 1/2 a bowl of spag bol, 200-ish. Ohh, and a cuppa. 50 cals. All together that totals 385. Grr-eat! NOT! I only hope I don't binge later. Fingers crossed.

Ohh, also yesturday I had a science class. Your thinking, average, right? No such luck. We had to weigh ourselves, in front of everyone! We were trying to see how much pressure we put on the floor. It involves weight, balance and foot size. Well I'm a fat, clumsey person with small feet. Things didn't go well. At least now I know how much I weigh. 46 kg. I'm not sure how to turn that into pounds, but it isn't sounding good. :(

I had a cooking class today arrr!
Mrs snobby started: "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, it breaks the fast. Clues in the name. Just think, the last time you probably ate was dinner time last night. If you didn't eat breakfast then by now you've gone 17 hour without eating."

"Score!" I thought (silently).

"You wouldn't starve your pet that long, would you? 1/9 teenagers skip breakfast."

"Its way more then that!" I thought again.

"Hands up who hasn't eaten breakfast today."

3 people raised there hands. No way was I going to admit it. I just sat there quietly, looking down at my sheet.

Anyways I better go, loads of school work to do, due for tomorrow!
Oh and will people pleaseeeeee follow me. I need some people to talk to.
Eat less, feel skinny.
Wish me good luck!
xoxo Stay strong