Anorexia

The less I eat, the less need to exercise, right? And I hate exercising completely, as well as eating.
Everyday I travel on this journey, where I haven't quite got on the train yet and I'm too far in the process of ever turning back. This allows me to see what's happening to me, I can reflect on the person I used to be and notice the changes that have already happened. Whether or not it works, I'm in this for good, no questions asked. Am I trying to become a weight I'm happy with or am I just trying to be an anorexic?

Honestly, I think it's both.
Still thinking x

Stupid me

How the hell have I not been getting enormously fat every single day? I had to have a huge group of girls in my p.e. class today argue about anorexia to explain things to me. Fml.

"...the more calories you eat, the more energy you have, but sometimes people don't burn off what they eat, this means they become...?" sir asked
"fat!" one girl shouted out.
"over-weight" sir corrected.
"sir, what about anorexics?" a stupid brat asked.
"well they don't eat as much as their bodies need, and what they do eat, they burn off through intense exercise."
"yeah but what about their water-weight? don't they starve themselves but don't lose weight because their body builds up water weight."
hmm...really I thought.
"actually, they usually work that off too."
hooray I cheered...silently in my head of course.

It was then we began working out, and I work really hard for around 30 minutes on the tread-mill and only burned of 200. Where have I been for the past few months? I'm a pathetic person.

x

Always turning a blind eye.

Yesterday I had an epiphany, I turn a blind eye to almost everything. I do it intentionally, as if it's easier to ignore some things then deal with them. Which is stupid because it's all just going to catch up with me one day and hurt me more. I won't go into details but I found something out about my friends that I realised I've always known, and I felt really upset, which turned to anger. I challenged that anger into exercise and dancing crazy around the house, and haven't felt hungry all day. So I'm kinda glad I was upset. Weird? ...
And another thing (sorry if it feels like I'm ranting), this lad I've known for years, who in the past has properly like me, told me to order a size large or extra large coat. WTF? Em try size small, jack-ass. I'll prove him wrong.
So what?! My friend can do whatever she likes, lets see the look on her face in a few months when I'm skinny. She can shove that smirk where the sun don't shine!
I had to eat dinner today, carrots with potato and a bit of Yorkshire pudding, partly because of my mum and also because I really want to stay true to the 2468 diet to see how it goes. I'm not sure if it's going as successfully as I'd of wished, so I may turn the plan into a 2, 4, 6, 8, fast diet for the next week.

Stay strong, I wish balloons could float us away. x

I choose Ana..

Initially I had plans to go into town with a small group of friends, where we'd all probably go to lunch and spend the whole day slowly mopping around, laughing and not doing anything in particular at all. When I woke up early to take a cold shower, I thought to myself, what's the point? I can have a much more efficient day exercising and eating a maximum of 400 calories, so I choose Ana, it's the only way for me really. I know I need to make more of an effort with my friends, though if it jeopardises my relationship with Ana, I'd rather not.
I can fully express the way I feel on this blog, without having to worry about being caught out by something I say. The other day, a girl was walking past, and I just thought her normal however my friend was amazed at her thinness,, weird?? :L The support I get just gets me through, allows me to show a part of myself that no-one else gets to see.

So far.
2 coffees
Small piece of bread, I'll work that off though.

Stay strong x

Burning calorie options...

So far so good, no calories yet. There is, however, a lot of snow. Which is both a good and bad thing, school was canceled and I missed my english class. I love english, secretly of course, all my friends hate it, but my teacher is amazing.
Ever thought how snow covers up all the crap on the ground and makes it beautiful? ... By the looks of it school will be closed tomorrow too!

Planning an hour long walk later, through the snow, freezing though at least that burns even more calories. Maybe I'll take some pictures, in this fat ass body of mine. Slowly I'm working up the exercise I do, I'm not exactly what you would call a fan of it. ALthough I am looking for dance classes I can start, any suggestions? I used to do ballet though I'm not sure if I can start at my age...
I'll probably have to pay for it myself, and I still haven't had the chance to learn piano, such a lovely sound I'll never be able to make. But Ana's more important, and she needs me to burn calories.

At the weekend I bought myself a thinspo notebook, empty for now, but I'll change that.

Stay strong. x

The 2468 diet is going well,

Gabie suggested I try doing 1234, don't think I'm quite there yet though I could work towards it.
I'll definitely keep you posted Jessica :)

I managed to save most of my calories for dinner:

100-chunky vegetable soup
110-wholemeal bread roll

Which means another 190 calories for the evening, hmmm...

Exercise for an hour before grabbing a cold shower and looking for thinspo, how boring do I sound today?! Oh well, I don't care, it's the little things that keep us content through the day.

Think thin, hope everyone is doing good too :) x

2468...lets go!

Yet another day off school, this is now a whole week off school as well as the holidays. Can't I have a social life? Can't I get away from all this food?! All the food tormenting me, beconing me with its finger.
Moving on to better topics...
I've decided to just go for the 2468 diet, for two weeks. I'll also come up with a workout routine and stop being such a lazy ass. So what if its cold, I can deal. Stay tuned...
The most visable bones I have are probably my colarbones or hips, I love it! Bones are just so beautiful, I can't imagion something thats worth fighting harder for. Beautiful. They don't cling to your body the way fat does, bones shape you.

Stay strong.
x