When you give up your dream...you die

Some people know their dream from when they're kids, they'll see something on t.v. or hear something on the radio, hey maybe they'll even see someone doing something that truly inspires them. Who knows? A dream can be anything you want it to be, you aimed towards something so huge it's unbelievable when you finally achieve it. It means something when you achieve it. Eventually we can stumble onto our dreams or they can root themselves into us so powerfully we simply can't avoid them.
Before, I thought I had no dream. No purpose. No reason to exist. This very moment I still feel like that, there wouldn't really be a change in anything if I didn't exist. Therefore there is no-one to live my life for except me, from now on I do what's best for me. Full stop.

My main dream....to be thin. To be remembered. To be the person I want to be. But mainly to be the thinnest.

Beginning this new thought process is a three day fast, after that I have no idea yet. I'm hoping to cleanse my body. Completely. I've never done a fast so long before, however failure isn't an option.

There is no ultimatum between being thin and having a boyfriend. Regrettably in the past the two have been in an either or situation, I could have only ever had one. No more I tell you, no more. Boys will see what they've been missing as I become thinner and thinner. Sorted.

I LOVE TO BLOG. Frantically I move through each day with all these thoughts and opinions I never have the courage to share, although as soon as I begin blogging, everything seems so much easier. This is helping me to show how I feel everyday, without fear of how I come off to people. The support on this blogs makes me happiest. Having people who know me in a way no-one else does, so great. You accept me as just me, just as I except you skinny minnies.



Stay strong. Feel the way you need to feel. Not the way people expect you to feel.
Aimee x x

Texting buddy (:

Well I dyed my hair. I thought new me right? No. Didn't quite work out as I'd planned, it turned out just a few shades off my original colour which wasn't what I was going for at all.
On another note, my school is going to contact my mum and talk about the behavior issues I have. Or whatever. I suppose most of my concentration goes towards calories, lbs, exercises, weight lose, Ana... not much time to focus on school work. Which probably isn't the best idea to my school since my exams are starting in a couple of weeks... oh well.
Oh. I was wondering if anyone wanted a texting buddy, I live in the UK, so anyone else who does can text me if you want. I'd love some support. If anyone's interested my email is aimee_perfectionispossible@hotmail.co.uk

Think thin my skinnie minnies xx

Exercising can be tough

Sorry I haven't been posting in a while. I am trying to keep updated with every one's blogs I promise.
For those of you interested, the 2468-fast went okay, not as well as I'd hoped for, though it was always just a beginning diet to get me back into the swing of things. For now I'm trying to eat under 600 calories a day until I figure out what to do. I was hoping to do a 3 day detox at the beginning of February, just to cleanse my body of all bad food. Until then, holy shit what will I do?
Exercise is really tough. A new revelation I've just found out. Getting rid of those calories is extremely difficult on my body at the moment, dance classes are sounding more and more inviting. The reason I don't ever lose enough weight when I'm hardly eating is because my body will make water weight, the same with everyone else. We exercise when we don't eat to get rid of that water weight. Not exercising at all isn't an option.
Good news! My XS coat, fits! Stick that where the sun don't shine, no-one thought it would fit, and guess what, it does. Its even slightly baggy around the shoulders. Sorry, I just had to say it to the people at school who didn't believe me.

Think thin lovely ladies, it seems to be all I ever do.

Anorexia

The less I eat, the less need to exercise, right? And I hate exercising completely, as well as eating.
Everyday I travel on this journey, where I haven't quite got on the train yet and I'm too far in the process of ever turning back. This allows me to see what's happening to me, I can reflect on the person I used to be and notice the changes that have already happened. Whether or not it works, I'm in this for good, no questions asked. Am I trying to become a weight I'm happy with or am I just trying to be an anorexic?

Honestly, I think it's both.
Still thinking x

Stupid me

How the hell have I not been getting enormously fat every single day? I had to have a huge group of girls in my p.e. class today argue about anorexia to explain things to me. Fml.

"...the more calories you eat, the more energy you have, but sometimes people don't burn off what they eat, this means they become...?" sir asked
"fat!" one girl shouted out.
"over-weight" sir corrected.
"sir, what about anorexics?" a stupid brat asked.
"well they don't eat as much as their bodies need, and what they do eat, they burn off through intense exercise."
"yeah but what about their water-weight? don't they starve themselves but don't lose weight because their body builds up water weight."
hmm...really I thought.
"actually, they usually work that off too."
hooray I cheered...silently in my head of course.

It was then we began working out, and I work really hard for around 30 minutes on the tread-mill and only burned of 200. Where have I been for the past few months? I'm a pathetic person.

x

Always turning a blind eye.

Yesterday I had an epiphany, I turn a blind eye to almost everything. I do it intentionally, as if it's easier to ignore some things then deal with them. Which is stupid because it's all just going to catch up with me one day and hurt me more. I won't go into details but I found something out about my friends that I realised I've always known, and I felt really upset, which turned to anger. I challenged that anger into exercise and dancing crazy around the house, and haven't felt hungry all day. So I'm kinda glad I was upset. Weird? ...
And another thing (sorry if it feels like I'm ranting), this lad I've known for years, who in the past has properly like me, told me to order a size large or extra large coat. WTF? Em try size small, jack-ass. I'll prove him wrong.
So what?! My friend can do whatever she likes, lets see the look on her face in a few months when I'm skinny. She can shove that smirk where the sun don't shine!
I had to eat dinner today, carrots with potato and a bit of Yorkshire pudding, partly because of my mum and also because I really want to stay true to the 2468 diet to see how it goes. I'm not sure if it's going as successfully as I'd of wished, so I may turn the plan into a 2, 4, 6, 8, fast diet for the next week.

Stay strong, I wish balloons could float us away. x

I choose Ana..

Initially I had plans to go into town with a small group of friends, where we'd all probably go to lunch and spend the whole day slowly mopping around, laughing and not doing anything in particular at all. When I woke up early to take a cold shower, I thought to myself, what's the point? I can have a much more efficient day exercising and eating a maximum of 400 calories, so I choose Ana, it's the only way for me really. I know I need to make more of an effort with my friends, though if it jeopardises my relationship with Ana, I'd rather not.
I can fully express the way I feel on this blog, without having to worry about being caught out by something I say. The other day, a girl was walking past, and I just thought her normal however my friend was amazed at her thinness,, weird?? :L The support I get just gets me through, allows me to show a part of myself that no-one else gets to see.

So far.
2 coffees
Small piece of bread, I'll work that off though.

Stay strong x

Burning calorie options...

So far so good, no calories yet. There is, however, a lot of snow. Which is both a good and bad thing, school was canceled and I missed my english class. I love english, secretly of course, all my friends hate it, but my teacher is amazing.
Ever thought how snow covers up all the crap on the ground and makes it beautiful? ... By the looks of it school will be closed tomorrow too!

Planning an hour long walk later, through the snow, freezing though at least that burns even more calories. Maybe I'll take some pictures, in this fat ass body of mine. Slowly I'm working up the exercise I do, I'm not exactly what you would call a fan of it. ALthough I am looking for dance classes I can start, any suggestions? I used to do ballet though I'm not sure if I can start at my age...
I'll probably have to pay for it myself, and I still haven't had the chance to learn piano, such a lovely sound I'll never be able to make. But Ana's more important, and she needs me to burn calories.

At the weekend I bought myself a thinspo notebook, empty for now, but I'll change that.

Stay strong. x

The 2468 diet is going well,

Gabie suggested I try doing 1234, don't think I'm quite there yet though I could work towards it.
I'll definitely keep you posted Jessica :)

I managed to save most of my calories for dinner:

100-chunky vegetable soup
110-wholemeal bread roll

Which means another 190 calories for the evening, hmmm...

Exercise for an hour before grabbing a cold shower and looking for thinspo, how boring do I sound today?! Oh well, I don't care, it's the little things that keep us content through the day.

Think thin, hope everyone is doing good too :) x

2468...lets go!

Yet another day off school, this is now a whole week off school as well as the holidays. Can't I have a social life? Can't I get away from all this food?! All the food tormenting me, beconing me with its finger.
Moving on to better topics...
I've decided to just go for the 2468 diet, for two weeks. I'll also come up with a workout routine and stop being such a lazy ass. So what if its cold, I can deal. Stay tuned...
The most visable bones I have are probably my colarbones or hips, I love it! Bones are just so beautiful, I can't imagion something thats worth fighting harder for. Beautiful. They don't cling to your body the way fat does, bones shape you.

Stay strong.
x

Getting somewhere at least

Life. It is what we make it right? I've made a mess of mine and it needs sorting through, most of it at least.
As long as I have a decided limit of calories to stick to, I'm usually quite successful, because of this, yesterday went much better then expected, around 400 calories. Which means, from now on I'm only going to allow myself a certain amount of calories, the less I eat the less I need to work off.
Okay, don't hate me for saying this. There's this guy, and I think I'm into him. It's just... Well I'm going to see how things go, promise to keep you posted. I just wanted to mention it for some reason.
To occupy myself, I've decided to paint my nails, distract me from food etc. Planning to get my hair cut, it's beginning to get super long. Usually I have this idealistic view in winter to keep it long, no more my friends, it's getting short. Not short short, but short.
Has anyone ever tried the 2468 diet, apparently it's really effective and maybe it will help me to stick to my limits. I was thinking of doing it for about 2 weeks, what are your thoughts?

Think thin skinny minnie's, x

Snow Day....Hooray!

Today is a new day. Woke up and stared out of my window, all I could see was white, so beautiful. Because of all the snow school was canceled and again tomorrow, which at the beggining I loved though now I'm bored, possibly a great time to excercise, maybe I'll take a walk in the snow...
Yesturday I did eat my dinner, I've got to be honest, I wasn't forced, I could have easily thrown it in the trash. By trying to avoid suspicion from my mum, I'm allowing myself to eat, saying to myself "She might notice if I don't eat it, I may as well eat it, why not?" Which is total bull because she probably wouldn't notice anyway.
Trying to find some amazing thinspo music, any suggestions? I really want some music I can blast at full volume on my iPod while ignoring everything that is, including my hunger.

Gabbie. Thanks for the advice, I must admit that's a great idea. I'm aiming towards size 8 which would be US size 4, that would be wonderful.

Oh, I found some crackers which are only 15 calories each, how great is that? Today's total so far is a cup of grapes, so yummy, probably a few crackers within an hour or so.

Some of you may noticed, I've created an email addy, so feel free to add me, I'd love some ana buddies to chat to. On there I can give you my mob number as well if you like.

Jessica Stroup is fabulously thin don't you think? Amazing thinspiration to me, even thinner then she was before, even though she did used to be a bit big before that.

Stay strong x
hugs.

Re-fresh yourself

Okay. Time to sort through some things.

First of all I'm sorry I've been away for a few weeks, went to my relatives for the holidays and Internet connections were impossible.

Speaking of the holidays, how did things go for everyone?

For me? Not so good, for some pathetic reason I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted. However that's over now, and I'm beginning to regain control, school is starting tomorrow, not looking forward to it at all, though I am excited to be able not to eat throughout the day. While visiting my relatives there was no-where to hide, absolutely nowhere, except the bathroom of course but with so many people in the house there's a time limit in there. Anyway, I couldn't stand it there, it was great seeing everyone, all together for Christmas and everything however there is too many eyes watching you, trying to stuff your face with food and noticing whenever you don't eat. I went out of my mind with all their comments, you could be a model, you're so skinny have another biscuit.

Having a fast today to re freshen myself, doing well so far, hoping I'll be able to bin my dinner. Fingers crossed.

After Christmas, I went shopping, bought loads of new cloths, including a new pair of jeans. I highlight this item of clothing because these were size 10 jeans. How can someone have a size 6 top with 32A boobs and then have size 10 jeans? Personally I'd prefer size 8 throughout. So that's what I'm aiming towards, size 8 jeans. My new years resolution if you like.

New years resolutions:

1)Fit into size 8 jeans.
2)Loose half a stone, if I'm not happy with that, a stone.
3)Successfully become a vegetarian

The last one may be difficult, I'm trying to be a vegetarian without actually telling anyone so I'll let you know how it goes. I usually hate new years, it brings a lot of painful thoughts and memories, not to mention the calorie amount in booze, although this year I'm taking advantage, using my resolutions to better myself, even though I didn't exactly start my plans until now and not straight after new years.

As long as I stay in the right mind frame and keep a positive attitude, I really believe thinness is possible.

Stay strong
Hugs x