Getting somewhere at least

Life. It is what we make it right? I've made a mess of mine and it needs sorting through, most of it at least.
As long as I have a decided limit of calories to stick to, I'm usually quite successful, because of this, yesterday went much better then expected, around 400 calories. Which means, from now on I'm only going to allow myself a certain amount of calories, the less I eat the less I need to work off.
Okay, don't hate me for saying this. There's this guy, and I think I'm into him. It's just... Well I'm going to see how things go, promise to keep you posted. I just wanted to mention it for some reason.
To occupy myself, I've decided to paint my nails, distract me from food etc. Planning to get my hair cut, it's beginning to get super long. Usually I have this idealistic view in winter to keep it long, no more my friends, it's getting short. Not short short, but short.
Has anyone ever tried the 2468 diet, apparently it's really effective and maybe it will help me to stick to my limits. I was thinking of doing it for about 2 weeks, what are your thoughts?

Think thin skinny minnie's, x

Snow Day....Hooray!

Today is a new day. Woke up and stared out of my window, all I could see was white, so beautiful. Because of all the snow school was canceled and again tomorrow, which at the beggining I loved though now I'm bored, possibly a great time to excercise, maybe I'll take a walk in the snow...
Yesturday I did eat my dinner, I've got to be honest, I wasn't forced, I could have easily thrown it in the trash. By trying to avoid suspicion from my mum, I'm allowing myself to eat, saying to myself "She might notice if I don't eat it, I may as well eat it, why not?" Which is total bull because she probably wouldn't notice anyway.
Trying to find some amazing thinspo music, any suggestions? I really want some music I can blast at full volume on my iPod while ignoring everything that is, including my hunger.

Gabbie. Thanks for the advice, I must admit that's a great idea. I'm aiming towards size 8 which would be US size 4, that would be wonderful.

Oh, I found some crackers which are only 15 calories each, how great is that? Today's total so far is a cup of grapes, so yummy, probably a few crackers within an hour or so.

Some of you may noticed, I've created an email addy, so feel free to add me, I'd love some ana buddies to chat to. On there I can give you my mob number as well if you like.

Jessica Stroup is fabulously thin don't you think? Amazing thinspiration to me, even thinner then she was before, even though she did used to be a bit big before that.

Stay strong x
hugs.

Re-fresh yourself

Okay. Time to sort through some things.

First of all I'm sorry I've been away for a few weeks, went to my relatives for the holidays and Internet connections were impossible.

Speaking of the holidays, how did things go for everyone?

For me? Not so good, for some pathetic reason I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted. However that's over now, and I'm beginning to regain control, school is starting tomorrow, not looking forward to it at all, though I am excited to be able not to eat throughout the day. While visiting my relatives there was no-where to hide, absolutely nowhere, except the bathroom of course but with so many people in the house there's a time limit in there. Anyway, I couldn't stand it there, it was great seeing everyone, all together for Christmas and everything however there is too many eyes watching you, trying to stuff your face with food and noticing whenever you don't eat. I went out of my mind with all their comments, you could be a model, you're so skinny have another biscuit.

Having a fast today to re freshen myself, doing well so far, hoping I'll be able to bin my dinner. Fingers crossed.

After Christmas, I went shopping, bought loads of new cloths, including a new pair of jeans. I highlight this item of clothing because these were size 10 jeans. How can someone have a size 6 top with 32A boobs and then have size 10 jeans? Personally I'd prefer size 8 throughout. So that's what I'm aiming towards, size 8 jeans. My new years resolution if you like.

New years resolutions:

1)Fit into size 8 jeans.
2)Loose half a stone, if I'm not happy with that, a stone.
3)Successfully become a vegetarian

The last one may be difficult, I'm trying to be a vegetarian without actually telling anyone so I'll let you know how it goes. I usually hate new years, it brings a lot of painful thoughts and memories, not to mention the calorie amount in booze, although this year I'm taking advantage, using my resolutions to better myself, even though I didn't exactly start my plans until now and not straight after new years.

As long as I stay in the right mind frame and keep a positive attitude, I really believe thinness is possible.

Stay strong
Hugs x

I don't want the world to see me...
because I don't think that they'd understand.

Some lyrics from a favourite song of mine, it seemed fitting. At the minute I feel like a complete mess, not only am I eating, I'm eating things that aren't even healthy. There's a difference between before this started though, when I eat now, I feel repulsed with myself.
My mind has a gross way of thinking, as soon as I eat something my mind takes over and allows me to eat anything else I want to. I think I've already ruined things so I might as well carry on. Which is stupid, the more calories I consume, the fatter I get. God, I'm on the verge of crying here.

Calorie intake (please don't be mad at me):
Soup= 60
bread roll= 175?
chocolates= 300?
Biscuits= 250
tea.
Total= 785.
And who knows what else I'll have later.

I'm sorry. X

New path

Okay, I'm sorry I haven't been posting in a little while, I've been trying to sort through some of my thoughts. First, it's official, I've failed ABC. Its ended. I'm sorry, the truth is I should have been stricter with myself.
For the rest of the year I'm going to restrict, though not to an extreme level.

Hoping to start a new diet plan with a friend. I know she'll be able to help me through it this time. Slowly I'll be able to find my path again. Hopefully we'll work things out in time for my next post.

For some reason, I can't follow the people who follow me :/ Does anyone know how I can? This may seem stupid, but I really don't know.

E. A huge thanks to E for her amazing comment in my last post, it made me feel a lot better.

Hazel, I'll definitely get some vitamins, thanks love. :)

Stay strong ladies, together we can do this.
Let me know how you're all doing x

Failure.

2 warm mini rolls=250 calories
strawberry's=50? I only had two small ones.

Omg! I'm in stress overload. I mis-calculated the calorie amount I was aloud today, I thought it was something like 400. It's 150. I. WANT. TO. DIE. Why do these things always happen to me!? The feeling of food in my stomach isn't a good one, weighing me down and filling me out. Already I've had like, 300! That's double! Double?! That's it, tomorrow is a fast. No exceptions. I'm such a fat failure. Yesterdays fast went quite well, I did have something like 60 calories but no doubt I burnt them off.

Later I'm treating myself to a coffee, gum and water, nothing else. Can't wait.
There's a aerobics class starting soon, which I'm signing up for no doubt. Apparently its one that releases stress, anger and reduces calories. I'm there!

Christmas is counting down quickly and I've decided as soon as its over, I'm becoming a vegetarian, no matter what. As if its not going to be stressful enough without the rest of the food around the table :( Planning will begin straight away.

Sorry I've been such a clueless failure. Now I'm so disappointed in myself. I apologise to all of you, when I fail myself it feels as if I'm failing all of you guys too. :(

Wish me luck, no food for the next 36 hours at least. x

They come and go...ana will always be there for you

Last year I did experiment with ana, not officially so I didn't loose much weight. Then I began to eat...A LOT, literally every meal, every snack, anything that was handed my way. I gained so much weight, became so unhappy. This was when I realised I love ana. ANA. I strive to reach it, my biggest fear is for it to slip away. Which is why I don't care about anything else anymore. I made a mistake, ana wasn't my biggest priority, so I'm sorry for that...I guess as long as I'm working towards ana, everything else will fall behind, hopefully not too far though. Friends, family, school work, successes, all mean so much to me(don't get me wrong), I just need to be thin.

ABC was been working, I swear it has. When I put my legs together there are gaps between my thighs. I now have a slimming to my waist, which I love. These past few days I haven't been doing well though, which ruins so much, my bf and I broke up, causing me to eat my weight in food. It's not that I don't agree with the break up, I just feel lost. As if I can't remember how I felt about anything, I must have been so absorbed in myself.

Eating wise today:

Ham salad sandwich (wtf?!)=200
Crisps (I could cry)=100
Extra nibbles=100
400. Not as bad as I feared, I just can't go over that. Today I was only suppose to have 300 calories but I won't restart the diet. These tough few days are excuse enough, I should think.

12 Followers. Finally I have people to share this with, people who will comment and people I can share a whole part of my identity with, that no-one else knows about.

Stay strong darlings, let me know how you're doing. x